Day 31, Wednesday, Book of Faith – Lenten Journey
I remember that, as a child, when I was starting to think about what I was really saying in the Lord’s Prayer, I truly believed God would lead me into temptation if I did not pray “lead me not into temptation.” In my mind I had the image of God ready at the switch to lead me into temptation if I didn’t pray this prayer often enough or with some required amount of fervency. Even as I was learning Luther’s explanation to the prayer while in confirmation, I still thought that somehow this petition was keeping God from doing something that I didn’t want God to do.
I find it interesting that even though I get it now, that the translation I grew up with doesn’t adequately reflect the true meaning of the petition, I’m still not comfortable with one of the realities that this petition recognizes, that being: God created a world in which temptation exists. Theologically I know that in order to have complete freedom, we need the opportunity to choose. And I am more than astounded by the unfathomable love of God who needed to put that freedom into creation so that we would be free to love in return. But, as I, along with the rest of humanity, struggle daily with the myriad of temptations that confront me, it sometimes frustrates me that this needs to be a part of life. Yeah, I know the whole “opportunity for growth” thing, and the “throws me into the arms of his grace” thing, but sometimes it would be nice not to have to struggle with it at all. I know that day is coming, and I look forward to it. Meanwhile, it is good to pray regularly “that, although we may be attacked by [these temptations at all times], we may finally prevail and gain the victory,” through our Lord, Jesus Christ.
I’m trying to catch up!
It’s interesting to read my former thoughts represented on these pages. That God sends down misfortune, life’s trails and tribulations BUT that he doesn’t test us beyond our ability to endure.
I was raised with the understanding that God was a vengeful God; that if you sinned, you would be punished. So it stood to reason that when I suffered some malady (like cancer) God was behind it, testing me and my ability to overcome.
After speaking with Pastor I now realize God did not visit cancer upon me, that it happened as a result of living – it just is – and not because I’m a horrid person, or I failed to do something the way I should, or simply because I’m a sinful human being.
But, what God did send to me was the ability to cope with the affliction. He gave me a sense of wellbeing and the ability to know instinctively that I should turn the problem over to him and he would take care of it. I accepted that my life was in his hands, as it still is, and that he gives me the ability to look to him to make sound choices. Sometimes I do and sometimes I fail miserably, but the choice remains mine. What I do know is God is there for me and always has been.