It’s interesting to read my former thoughts represented on these pages. That God sends down misfortune, life’s trails and tribulations BUT that he doesn’t test us beyond our ability to endure.

I was raised with the understanding that God was a vengeful God; that if you sinned, you would be punished. So it stood to reason that when I suffered some malady (like cancer) God was behind it, testing me and my ability to overcome.

After speaking with Pastor I now realize God did not visit cancer upon me, that it happened as a result of living – it just is – and not because I’m a horrid person, or I failed to do something the way I should, or simply because I’m a sinful human being.

But, what God did send to me was the ability to cope with the affliction. He gave me a sense of wellbeing and the ability to know instinctively that I should turn the problem over to him and he would take care of it. I accepted that my life was in his hands, as it still is, and that he gives me the ability to look to him to make sound choices. Sometimes I do and sometimes I fail miserably, but the choice remains mine. What I do know is God is there for me and always has been.