One of the questions to ponder was why I think that in parts of the world where the church and Christians are persecuted, the church grows more rapidly than in places where there is no persecution? Could it be as simply as this – human beings want what they are told they can’t have – what is taken away from them? Does the “sneaking around” add to the experience of worshipping? I fervently pray I never ever have to find out!

On the other hand, “deliver us from evil” is a petition that to me applied now to our every day life and the evil that surrounds us where we live and work.

The author’s meditation changes this thinking for me. He puts “the time of trail” into the events of the world (terrorism, lost jobs, illness) and makes me question how I would react if one or two of these terrible situations were to befall me or those that I love. Would I turn from God blaming him and questioning why he has allowed this to happen or would I turn toward God for reassurance, comfort, and a firmer trust in him?

My parents probably thought the same thing I’m about to say but I’m saying it anyway; the songs our kids hear and the programs they could be watching on television are desensitizing them and yes us to a life style that isn’t exactly ideal for someone calling themselves a Christian.

It’s so reassuring to real Paul’s words in Romans 7:15-20 because they sure apply to me. I do what I hate; I do what is evil in God’s sight. It is the sin that dwells within me that does these things but I have to assume responsibility as well. After all I have choices and I can choose to read my Bible rather than watch TV. I can eat a healthy lunch rather than a bag of chips or that gooey candy bar. I could donate the $20 I spent on dinner out to feed the hungry.

All I can say is, Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! Amen.

And so I keep praying that maybe one day God will give me the strength to just stop being this way. To simply say a short prayer for that person who I think has fallen short – who needs help, or perhaps a bit of God’s love in their life.

And Pastor here’s what reading your thoughts said to me today. How do I know that someone else who may have seen or heard me at my finest hour isn’t finding fault about something I just did or said? I know I make more than my share of mistakes and misstatements. Wouldn’t I want them to know that I’m trying hard to be a better person, but sometimes I just plain fail? You bet I would – and so I need to work on this fault of mine, this log in my own eye so to speak.

It comes down to love and it appears I’ve a way to go to love all mankind.

It’s interesting to read my former thoughts represented on these pages. That God sends down misfortune, life’s trails and tribulations BUT that he doesn’t test us beyond our ability to endure.

I was raised with the understanding that God was a vengeful God; that if you sinned, you would be punished. So it stood to reason that when I suffered some malady (like cancer) God was behind it, testing me and my ability to overcome.

After speaking with Pastor I now realize God did not visit cancer upon me, that it happened as a result of living – it just is – and not because I’m a horrid person, or I failed to do something the way I should, or simply because I’m a sinful human being.

But, what God did send to me was the ability to cope with the affliction. He gave me a sense of wellbeing and the ability to know instinctively that I should turn the problem over to him and he would take care of it. I accepted that my life was in his hands, as it still is, and that he gives me the ability to look to him to make sound choices. Sometimes I do and sometimes I fail miserably, but the choice remains mine. What I do know is God is there for me and always has been.

Now to what I originally wrote:

One of the questions to ponder today was whether the father in the story of the prodigal son was wrong to give his son the money (and thus the freedom) so he could make his own lifestyle choices? I certainly don’t think he was. Isn’t each of us given the freedom to make lifestyle choices each and every day? And aren’t we like the prodigal son in many ways… sometimes we make the right choices and many times we don’t. Then realizing our downfall don’t we come back to our heavenly father asking forgiveness.

How many times have we as parents forgiven our own children for one thing and then another? It certainly doesn’t lessen the love we have for them. It boggles my mind that Christ could have that kind of love for me. I don’t understand it but I’m so blessed to know that he loves me and he continues to forgive me even after all these years and all my mistakes and wrong choices.

I still struggle with the venial and mortal sin concept of my days as a Roman Catholic. Repentance is crutial – do I ask for forgiveness and then turn around and commit the same sin again? Many times yes, I do and yet God forgives again. I am so thankful that God is God and not like me. And I really like the prayer for today…”Uncondeming God, if I am carrying any stones today, help me to drop them. Amen.” God doesn’t carry stones! Amen.